thief of hearts.

My tiny newborn baby is now a 1-month-old MONSTER.

Not literally a monster, people.

She's too cute for that.

I just can't get over how big she is already.

At one month:

All of her newborn clothes and diapers are getting bit more...snug.

She is ALMOST sleeping through the night. I thought we had made it, but those babies - they love to throw you for a loop just as you think you have them figured out.

She is smiling socially. And I can't get enough of it.

She LOVES her baths and showers. She especially loves having her feet dipped in nice warm water.

She is very alert when she is awake. She has been since day one, but it just seems to increase more and more (which I think is the idea).

She definitely recognizes me and my voice and it completely melts my heart.

She noticed Charlie for the first time! She just stared and I'm pretty sure she was thinking, "What is this big, black mound of puff staring me down?"

Everyone says she is a mini-Swapp, and I thought so, too, until Grandma sent me my newborn photos - Afton is SPOT on her mama. Pouty lower lip and all.

She really likes to surprise you and tinkle when you are in the midst of changing her diaper. Always a fun surprise.

She still makes goat noises. Tom is worried that will be her nervous twitch throughout life. Like, on her first date she'll go "baaaahhhh" in the middle of a sentence. Dads.

Speaking of Dad, she LOVES to curl up and sleep on his chest.

She started cooing yesterday - and you can bet I cooed right on back.

other things of note this month:

Ed and Jayne got home from the DR! Since they'll be leaving to serve as Mission President in June, Afton and I are getting in all the time with them we can.

Besides that, life is pretty routine around here. Lots of sleeping, eating and repeating.

baby overload.

Okay, Afton has officially taken over our lives and, thus, our blog.

Please don't mind if each and every post from here on out basically revolves around her and each mini-accomplishment.

Like smiling at me the other night.

I am one proud mama.

Afton.

Afton Nicole Swapp

December 20, 2011

1:48 pm

7 lbs 3 oz

19 1/2 inches

Tom and I checked in to Littleton Adventist Hospital the evening of Monday, December 19th. My doctor had informed me very early on in my pregnancy that due to my blood clot disorder (specifically the blood thinning injections I was on), that I would be induced prior to baby girl's actual due date, which was December 29th. I was more than okay with that, especially as the big day drew closer and closer. What mama-to-be wouldn't love knowing exactly what day her babe was going to arrive!? Granted, we were going a little stir-crazy around here the few days prior...I spent a lot of time just standing in her nursery and thinking about how different life would be once she was finally here.

We got to the hospital at 8 pm and by 9 I was in the glamorous hospital robe and had been given a dose of medication to get my cervix dilating. I was worried the process was going to be LONG - I was only at a 1 when the nurse first checked. My mom and sister had come along as well, but as we learned this process was not going to be moving along quickly, they headed back home while Tom and I tried to make ourselves comfy for the night. Could I sleep a wink? Of course not. I remember being so nervous for the entire process - I have a hard time with "fear of the unknown." But it was amazing how as each major step passed, I felt more and more capable of getting this baby here safely. I sat in my hospital bed and chatted with Tom and then to myself as he dozed off for a few hours. At 3:30 am on the 20th my water broke! I was just hanging out in the bed when it happened and I said, "Tom...Babe! (I had to wake him up) I think my water just broke?!" I called the nurse, and sure enough - the excitement had begun. I was barely at a 2 when this happened, so knew I still had lots of time and waiting to go.

Once my water broke those contractions decided to set in. For about two and half hours I hung out on the medicine ball and watched my contractions on the monitor as Tom applied counter pressure to my lower back. At about 6 am, my nurse came in to do all of her routine work (blood pressure, dilation, etc) and said my doctor wanted me to get me started on Pitocin. JOY. I was already in quite a bit of pain, but I knew once I had the epidural I was bed-bound for the rest of the journey. In my mind I pictured wandering the halls of the labor and delivery floor through some contractions, bouncing on the medicine ball through others, taking a shower or even laboring in the jacuzzi tub... Yeah - those ideas flew out the window right real quick. But I really wanted to try laboring in the tub before I got the epidural. Tom and my nurse walked me to the tub through some nice contractions (with all my wireless monitoring strapped across my belly since I was hooked up to the Pitocin). I finally got settled in the tub and told Tom, "Oh my gosh - this feels amazing. I can push through this a while longer," when BAM! I heard the Pitocin machine kick on and administer the first dose. And then the nasty contractions started. I very quickly told Tom the tub was not going to work for me and that I wanted the epidural ASAP. Briana (my nurse) and Tom hauled me out of the tub - and had to practice patience with me as I had a couple of extremely painful contractions while trying to get out of the tub.

Within minutes the anesthesiologist was in my room. Bless his heart. I vaguely remember scratching something that looked like my signature on a line as he went over the obligatory paperwork. Then he got me prepped for the epidural. I really wasn't worried about the pain that some experience with the epidural. I just knew that I wanted it from the get-go and couldn't wait to have it in. I had pondered the idea of a natural birth, but as I thought about the entire birthing process, I knew that induction was not going to make it any easier - I was forcing a baby out that wasn't necessarily ready to come! And I knew Pitocin was not going to make it any prettier, so I did the best I could without the epidural, but I was SOOO happy when I got it! The sweet anesthesiologist was explaining every step to me - "Okay, now you'll feel this...And this is what I'm doing now..." and I remember wanting to say, "I don't care. Just get it in." Finally, relief. It was amazing - I still felt every contraction (PRESSURE!!!!) but I could breath through it and not feel like I needed to cry every time. It was about 7 am at this point and Mom and Sister came walking in to the room just as I was getting settled back in bed. Oh, and I was still only dilated at about a 2. AND - my nurse was off at 7 am and said she thought there was a good chance she'd see me again when she was back at 7 pm that night. I almost cried. She said that once I finally got to a 4, it would take about an hour for every centimeter after that. I loved that nurse, but I REALLY did not want to see her again.

I laid in bed and tried to rest, but I really did still feel every contraction coming on good and strong. My sweet mom fed me ice chips as I focused on breathing. I remember telling her how much pressure I was experiencing with each contraction - A LOT, A LOT, A LOT. She said that was good and that probably meant baby was bearing down more. At 8:30 am, my new nurse, Paivi, check my dilation and what she said blew me away. Seriously. I wish someone had gotten a picture of the look on my face. I had gone from a 2 to a 9 in an hour and half!!! Whoopty - whoop! I was ecstatic!!! Baby girl's head was still really high, so Dr. Watson wanted me to try "passive descent" - which basically means waiting a real long time while baby drops down lower. The pro - waiting longer meant less pushing - so I was good with that.

At 11:15 am my nurse told me I could start pushing. What?! I momentarily panicked. Okay - I got the Pitocin, I had contractions, I got the epidural, I felt more contractions, I munched a lot of ice...But pushing!? That was the real deal! But once I started pushing it was all I wanted to do every time a contraction came. And every time I did I had a room full of amazing supporters cheering me on. Mama stood by my head and just kept telling me, "Push longer and harder than you ever thought you could. Get that baby girl out." How do moms know EXACTLY what you need to hear? Tom and I joked about what he was/was not allowed to say. He was amazing through the whole process. Just sweet words of encouragement, especially at times I really needed it. I remember looking at him as he was helping me push and the look of concern and love he had on his face. This was it - we were going to be parents! I also remember wanting to scream at someone to rip the clock off the wall because all I wanted to do was see what time it was - but I kept that to myself and pushed and pushed and pushed... And pulled and pulled. Oh yes - my nurse decided to have me pull back on a blanket as she did the same every time I pushed. FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS. That's right. That's a lot of pushing. I was so tired I remember just wanting to stop and cry - and that was after only an hour (and I was SO sore and swollen the next day. Who knew my face could look like Mr. Toad???) Dr. Watson came in about an hour and half into the pushing and that gave me an amazing boost of confidence. I knew he wasn't going to make me push for that long unless he knew I could deliver her without any complications. So I just kept pushing.

Finally my family started letting out squeals of excitement and Tom told me, "I can see her head, babe." And I pushed and pushed. And finally the doctor was making jokes about being her hair stylist (What!? My baby has hair!?!?!?) and I wanted to punch him because I was REALLY not in the mood for jokes. A few serious pushes later and she was finally here!!! Dr. Watson looked at me and said, "You want to hold her? Grab under her arms." Most amazing experience of my life - I reached down and pulled that baby girl all the way out and brought her up onto my chest. I was instantly in love and would give anything and everything to her and do anything I needed to to protect her. After years of fertility struggles and miscarriages, our sweet baby girl was finally here. She is such a little miracle and we truly could not feel more blessed. As arduous and uncomfortable as the entire process was, I would not trade it for ANYTHING. ANYTHING. She is the most amazing gift and I don't even know how to put into words the overwhelming love we feel for her. She is seriously a little miracle. Apparently the second I had her in my arms, I looked at everyone and said, "So, when can we do this again?"

Oh, and she sounds like a goat. So now "BG" stands for baby goat. Man, I just love her.

And her name - in high school I knew a family that named their youngest Afton and I fell in LOVE with the name. Then I met Tom and found out that was his grandma's name. Just meant to be. And Nicole is tribute to a special little lady that introduced Tom and me. Thank you, Chelsea-mate Nicole! Hopefully our little one lives up to the amazing women she is named after.

my homie.

this was the day tom swapp told me he loved me. october 13, 2006

this was his first trip to gilroy to meet my family.

this is us with my (then) brand-new baby niece. over 5 years ago! we joked around about our "insta-fam." now we JUST celebrated our 4th anniversary (on thanksgiving, no less) and we couldn't be happier knowing that we'll get to have a babers of our own in just a few short weeks. well, people tell me it's a short ways away, but i just don't believe them. i am SO ready for her to be here. i can't tell you how excited i am to see how quickly tom is wrapped around her tiny finger. i might cry. that's allowed, right?

baby showers galore.

i don't know if anyone else is feeling this way, but i feel like every woman i know is pregnant or JUST had a baby. it's so great. we counted and there are some-14-odd women in our ward who are having kiddos within the same 12 months. must be something in the water out here.

my good friend, heidi, JUST had her baby girl a few days ago! i cannot tell you how excited i am that she and i get to have little girls together (and that tom and i will finally be in the inner "we-have-kids" circle at church). she and i got a bit crazy and threw each other little baby showers. these are some of the photos from hers (and of course i didn't think to take photos of the actual party. preggo brain to the extreme).

and these are the two showers heidi and my dear friend, lexy, threw! they are both too thoughtful. this little bg is seriously already spoiled.

a lady in my ward makes these amazing cakes. oh, to have baking talent.

and the shower hosted by lex! she did too much - i'm not lying. like, i walked in with a diet coke and offered it to her and she looked at me and said, "oh yes! i didn't sleep last night." the woman knows how to host a MEAN party.

magleby's rolls, anyone?

nbd - just hand-stamped those and the napkins herself.

i died a little when i saw these. ALMOST too cute to eat. ALMOST.

and sister came to visit that weekend! i sure do love her. we got lots of projects for bg's nursery done. and we ate mexican food. and i almost passed out during my first non-stress-test at the doctor's. it was fantastic.

candied almonds? i'll take 5 - bags, that is.

the lovely hostess and some huge preggo lady.

we are so lucky to have so many friends and such a great family that are excited for this little girl. i can't tell you what a little miracle she is and how blessed we constantly feel that we finally get to be parents to a sweet (fingers crossed) little one. i figure we had such a journey getting here that she must be one serious angel baby.

new england.

here i am...still trying to be a better blogger.

tom and i love the fall. LOVE IT. and since we knew my traveling days were coming to an end (at least until babe is born), we figured we'd better squeeze one last trip in. where to go in the middle of fall? why, boston of course!

sweet dan and jamie were nice enough to let us stay with them. jamie makes a mean oatmeal chocolate chip cookie, folks. and even when you've been good about not eating raw eggs your entire pregnancy, when she whips up a batch of dough it's real hard to resist just a smidge bit. also, the cooks are excellent hosts. don't be surprised if we show up at your door again next october.

on our first day in boston, jamie took us to the adorable neighborhood of beacon hill. i told tom we could move there. he just looked at me and said, "yeah...okay." no one takes me seriously. after we planned our future lives in this quaint little part of boston, tom and i made our way to the freedom trail.

we saw paul revere's house.

and some amazing cemeteries - which normally give me the creeps, but this one was pretty nifty.

sadly, i don't have pictures to document our great dinner with the cooks and nixons, but it was delicious and fun and all good things! and seeing all their kiddos made me even more anxious for our little one to get her booty here. and did i say how cute eliza bay is? jamie introduced tom to her as "tom," but she called him "thomas" the entire weekend. i think she may have stolen my husband's heart.

day 2: new hampshire and vermont! we dropped bryson and eliza off at dan's parents house and the four of us headed up to vermont. i know jamie was disappointed in this year's leaf turnout, but tom and i were in heaven - i promise! we mid-westerners don't know any better. the entire weekend was just beautiful and we fell in love with this part of the states.

we stopped at a cider apple mill. and maybe ate WAY too many hot cider donuts. and discovered that i'm not so good at math when tom and dan were trying to estimate how much money the mill brought in on donuts alone and i rang in with my guess. let's just say - i was not even close.

he just loves it when i make him my model.

while driving through vermont we stopped in sharon to see joseph smith's birthplace. it was so sweet, peaceful and quiet. and i think the senior missionaries were bored out of their minds this day - so go visit and give them some more people to talk to!

dear denver, what do we need to do to make you look as beautiful as this?

that is just a cute family.

we also wandered around a maple farm and taste-tested cheese and maple syrup! and tom and dan rekindled their bromance. precious.

case in point.

i don't have any photos of our stop at the von trapp family lodge or the most ridiculous restaurant ever in stowe, but both events were certainly noteworthy. and if you're wondering about the restaurant - it's called "gracie's." named after a dog - which normally i'd be all about. but this place REALLY loved dogs. and for two pregnant women, reading a menu that made all the options sound like puppy chow did not sound so appetizing. but the the von trapp concierge SWORE this was the place to eat in stowe. needless to say, it was an adventure.

on sunday afternoon (once we were back in boston), we ventured over to lexington/concord to see the north bridge. tom swapp loves him some revolutionary war history.

just some big ol' pregnant lady on a bridge. who does that?

on monday, tom and i made our way up the coast of maine. this photo is me being not-so-sure about eating a legit lobster for the first time. would you think less of me if i told you i almost started crying as i learned how to pull the lobster apart? oh, you would? okay, i won't tell you then.

ogunquit, maine. tom and i took a little walk along the coast. and i started a new game called, "if i go into labor RIGHT NOW, could you deliver our baby?" tom is not such a fan.

cape neddick nubble lighthouse.

and this one is just for posterity. you're welcome.